I'm Not A Republican... But

I Told My Wife She Looks Sexy With Black Fingernails. Now She Thinks I Slammed The Car Door On Her Hand On Purpose.

I Think My Ex-girlfriend Has Weekly Lessons With The Devil On How To Be More Evil. I Don't Know What She Charges Him.

My Classmates Would Copulate With Anything That Moved, But I Never Saw Any Reason To Limit Myself.

My Parents Were Very Protective. I Couldn't Even Cross The Street Without Them Getting All Excited, And Placing Bets.

Writing Jokes For Others Is Like Having Babies For Someone Else. It's Sad. Like The Woman Who Gives Up Her Baby But Needs To Be Close So She Secretly Becomes The Maid In The Household.