I'll Be Spending The Holidays

I've Had People Say To Me, 'look At The Sky, The Fields, The Ocean, The Beautiful Sunset. Isn't That Proof Positive Of God?' Following That Line Of Thought, Look At The Magnificent Rainbows After A Big Rainstorm. Isn't That Proof Positive That God Is Gay?

The Best Comedy, I Feel, Comes In A Drama Because It Balances Each Other Out.

I'm Now Unemployed. It's A Weird Feeling With No Work, But At Least There's Still Golf. Standup Comedy Is Like My Core, It's What I Do. But I Want To Be A Pro Golfer. It's A Love/hate Relationship With Golf. I Can Come Away Feeling So Serene, And Yet, It's The Thing That I Can Let Get To Me To Throw A Club And Say Curses That Don't Even Exist. I'm Obsessed With Something That Won't Let Me Master It. I Don't Know. I Need Therapy.

I Do Know Its Important To Keep The Romantic Spark Alive In Your Marriage. But With Four Kids, Sometimes It's Enough Just To Keep Yourself Alive.

Every Parent Knows That For A Kid, The Car Is Chloroform.