I Like To Stand Near

I Saw A Door That Said Exit Only. So I Entered Through It And Went Up To The Guy Working There And Said "i Have Good News. You Have Severely Underestimated That Door Over There. By Like A Hundred Percent."

It's Always Helpful To Remember That In The Grand Scheme Of Things You Are Much More Important Than... Um, Wait, Than... Something, Maybe.

I Care About Politics, But I Have A Tough Time Making Comedy Out Of It. I Was So Happy To Have A Chance To Be On The Daily Show, And I Think Jon Stewart's So Funny... But Mostly In My Own Comedy, I Care About Less Relevant Things.

Bowling Would Be More Interesting If It Were Slightly Uphill.

I Know About Woodstock Probably As Much As Your Average Person Who Is Over 30, Where I'd Know Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, Grateful Dead.