I Drink Therefore I Am.

A Comic Should Suffer As Much Over A Single Line As A Man With A Hernia Would In Picking Up A Heavy Barbell.

Trust Everybody, But Cut The Cards Yourself.

Everybody's Got To Believe In Something. I Believe I'll Have Another Beer.

I Write My Scripts Short And They Develop On The Set, Which I Have Found A Far Better Premise Both Economically And Practically.

My Illness Is Due To My Doctor's Insistence That I Drink Milk, A Whitish Fluid They Force Down Helpless Babies.