If A Thing Is Worth

The Advantages Of Whiskey Over Dogs Are Legion. Whiskey Does Not Need To Be Periodically Wormed, It Does Not Need To Be Fed, It Never Requires A Special Kennel, It Has No Toenails To Be Clipped Or Coat To Be Stripped. Whiskey Sits Quietly In Its Special Nook Until You Want It. True, Whiskey Has A Nasty Habit Of Running Out, But Then So Does A Dog.

The Laziest Man I Ever Met Put Popcorn In His Pancakes So They Would Turn Over By Themselves.

I Could Juggle Anything In My Day. Balls, Cigar Boxes, Knives...but There Was One Thing I Could Never Juggle. My Income Tax.

So Long As The Presence Of Death Lurks With Anyone Who Goes Through The Simple Act Of Swallowing, I Will Make Mine Whiskey.

I Don't Drink Anymore, On The Other Hand I Don't Drink Any Less Either.