Don't Do Drugs To Be

Historically, A Successful Life In Comedy Is A Dream That's As Equally Pondered And Unpursued As Being An Astronaut.

You Know How Screwed Up Censorship Is, Two Girls Just Agreed To Make Out Naked In Front Of Their Fathers, And We Went Wait, Don't Curse.

Whiskey Will Always Be A Part Of My Life.

Don't Do Drugs To Be Cool, Do 'em Because You Hate Yourself.

I'm The Type Of Guy Where One Thing Leads To Another And Eventually It Gets Awful. If I Put A $5 Bet On A Roulette Table Tonight At 10 O'clock, By Tomorrow At Noon I Would Be Running Guns To Cuba.