You Know What The Problem

I Want To Show People That There's A Side Of Myself Other Than Just The Outrageous Comedian.

If I've Learned One Thing, It's 'don't Tell The Truth.' Lies Keep You Together.

I Look For Women I Know Are Gonna Bust Me Up Good. Come On, Man, Who Can Resist That? Who Can Resist That Emotional Pain? Yeah, They All Have The Same Line, They're So Sweet: I'm Not Gonna Hurt You Like All The Others. Really I'm Not. I'm Gonna Introduce You To A Whole New Level Of Pain!

If I Get Married Again, I Want A Guy There With A Drum To Do Rimshots During The Vows.

Stand-up Comedy Is An Art Form And It Dies Unless You Expand It.