You Know What My Theory

A Man Goes To The Doctor For A Check, And The Doctor Exams Him And Says I've Got Bad News, You've Got Cancer And Alzheimers. The Man Goes Thank God I Don't Have Cancer.

A Lot Of People Who Claim They're Political Comedians Are Just Comedians Who Have Opinions. But They Stop Being Funny The Minute They Give Their Opinions.

Off-camera, I Sound Like Perry Como.

If Someone Else Is Paying For It, Food Just Tastes A Lot Better.

I Was Talking To Jesus, And I Said, Jesus, I Feel Like No One Will Ever Accept Me. And Jesus Looked At Me And Said, You Know What My Theory Is? Accept Me Or Go To Hell.