Reality Tv Has Totally Destroyed

The Pressure To Being A Comedian Is Being Funny, But I've Given That Up, So There Is No Pressure Whatsoever.

My Bubbie Lived To 104, Which Is Probably A Little Too Old To Consider A Ripe Old Age, Because She Had Already Started To Turn. I Still Say She Died Young.

I Guess If They Ever Do A Remake Of 'sophie's Choice,' I Could Play The Meryl Streep Part. I've Got To Work On My Polish Accent. Maybe I'll Be The Definitive King Lear One Day. You Know, If They Ever Feel That King Lear Should Be More Jewy.

Every Time You Open The Paper Now, There Seems To Be Another Celebrity Getting Arrest For Masturbation. First, It Was Peewee Herman And Then George Michael. If Masturbation's A Crime, I Should Be On Death Row.

I Used To Go To The Improvisation Comedy Club Every Night In Times Square. How I Didn't Get Killed In That Area Either Means That 1) God Is Watching Over Me Or 2) I Am So Insignificant To God That He Didn't Bother Having Me Killed.