You Know It's Time To

I Knew I Was An Unwanted Baby When I Saw That My Bath Toys Were A Toaster And A Radio.

I'm No Cook. When I Want Lemon On Chicken, I Spray It With Pledge.

What Could Be Nicer Than To Have Three Horrible Children Behind You In An Airplane, And The Next Set, You Go Onstage And You Talk About How Much You Despise The Children And What You Would Like To Do To Them On An Airplane? That's The Only Time I Would Gladly Take A Terrorist On. It'd Be Worth It To Get Rid Of These Children.

I Could Be The Greta Garbo Of Comedy, Very Secluded, But Garbo Had A Man Who Was Beyond Rich To Support Her.

There Is Nothing Funny About Aging: It Is Rotten And Depressing. Anyone Who Tells You Otherwise Just Hasn't Been Paying Attention.