You Are The Director Of

We Never Had A Pool, Right. So One Summer, I Remember. My Dad, To Make Me Happy. You Know I Was Bummed Out Cause We Didn't Have The Pool. So One Summer He Bought Us This Thing. It Was Yellow, You Laid It On The Lawn, Sprayed It With The Water, Run Across. Slip N' Slide. Yeah. Would Have Been Fun If Dad Checked For Rocks Before He Laid It Down! Slip N' Bleed From The Anus They Should Have Called This Ride.

I Can Smell Bullshit From A Mile Away But It's So Much Harder To Detect When It's Around You All Day.

You Have To Realize, When You're A Comedian, That You Have To Have A Thick Skin. And Trust Me, Being Onstage In Front Of People Is Already Difficult Enough. Somebody's Personal Attack In An Email Is Not As Hard As Getting Onstage.

I Was Very Good At Kickball ... I Was Wonderful At Ah Doing That Kick And Your Leg Goes Up And Your Shoe Went On Top Of The School

People Know I Have A Good Time On Stage. I Love My Life. I Love My Job.