In High School, When I

A Hooker Once Told Me She Had A Headache.

My Wife Made Me Join A Bridge Club... I Jump Off Next Tuesday.

I Like Southern Girls. They Talk So Slow That By The Time They Say No, I Made It Already.

My Boy Is A Mean Kid. I Came Home The Other Day And Saw Him Taping Worms To The Sidewalk, He Sits There And Watches The Birds Get Hernias. Well, Only Last Christmas I Gave Him A B-b Gun And He Gave Me A Sweatshirt With A Bulls-eye On The Back. I Told My Kids, "someday, You'll Have Kids Of Your Own." One Of Them Said, "so Will You."

Last Week My Tie Caught On Fire, Some Guy Tried To Put It Out With An Axe.