When You Put Listerine In

When You Start Out In Comedy, Or Probably In A Lot Of Things, You Want It To Happen Fast. You Don't Want To See Yourself Having To Do This For Seven Years Before You Start To Get Some Feedback.

I Find That A Duck's Opinion Of Me Is Influenced By Whether Or Not I Have Bread. A Duck Loves Bread, But He Does Not Have The Capability To Buy A Loaf. That's The Biggest Joke On The Duck Ever. If I Worked At A Convenience Store, And A Duck Came In And Stole A Loaf Of Bread, I Would Let Him Go. I'd Say, "come Back Tomorrow, Bring Your Friends!" When I Think Of A Duck's Friends, I Think Of Other Ducks. But He Could Have, Say, A Beaver In Tow.

All These Jokes Have Been Pre-approved As Funny By Me.

When You Go To A Bar That Has A Black Light, Everybody Looks Cool. Except For Me, Because I Was Under The Impression That The Mustard Stain Came Out.

People Who Smoke Cigarettes, They Say "you Don't Know How Hard It Is To Quit Smoking." Yes I Do. It's As Hard As It Is To Start Flossing.