When I Write I Pretend

Do You Ever Have Dirty Thoughts About Spongebob?

I'd Been Told That He Had Been Created-literally Created-just For Me,as My "perfect Other Half." Let Me Tell You-if Dylan Was My Perfect Other Half, Then I Needed To Give My First Half A Seriouis Look-see.

Now, Max, I Think We Both Know Your Parents Aren't Missionaries." I Opened My Eyes Wide. "no? Well, For God's Sake, Don't Tell Them. They'd Be Crushed. Thinking They're Doing The Lord's Work And All.

If By 'miracle Kids' You Mean Innocent Test-tube Babies Whose Dna Was Forcibly Unraveled And Merged With Two Percent Avian Genes, Yeah, I Guess That Would Be Us," I Said. "because It's A Miracle That We're Not Complete Nut Jobs And Mutant Disasters.

I Moved To Leave, And Dylan Actually Grabbed Me By My Shoulders. I Was So Surprised That I Forgot To Karate-chop His Elbows And Break His Arms.