When I Went To College,

When I Was A Kid My Parents Used To Tell Me, "emo, Don't Go Near The Cellar Door!" One Day When They Were Away, I Went Up To The Cellar Door. And I Pushed It And Walked Through And Saw Strange, Wonderful Things, Things I Had Never Seen Before, Like... Trees. Grass. Flowers. The Sun... That Was Nice... The Sun.

Recently, I've Ventured Into The Mammal Family - So That's Good For My Sex Life.

Once I Posed Nude For A Magazine. I've Never Been Back To That Newstand.

My First Job As A Kid Was Going From Door To Door Selling Christmas Cards, To Raise Money For My Grandmother's Hip Replacement. Because, You Know... You Break It, You Buy It.

When I Went To College, My Parents Threw A Going Away Party For Me, According To The Letter.