When I Stub My Toe

If You Want To Dry Hump Someone You Don't Know, Just Act Like They Were Choking.

When A Dalmatian Sees A Cow He Must Be Like, 'what The Hell Happened To Him? I Am High Right Now. That Dalmatian Is Fat And Smeary.' When The Cow Sees The Dalmatian He Must Be Like, 'he Looks Amazing. I Am So Out Of Shape, This Is Ridiculous. My Tits Are On The Ground Here.

I Think It Would Be Worse To Get Mauled By A Dancing Bear Than Just A Regular Bear Because You Can't Totally Blame The Dancing Bear.

If I Could Control The Behavior Of Fat Guys I Would Make Them Ride Mopeds More Often.

I Like Stand-up. But I'd Also Like A Family And House And A Yard. I Want To Work With A Lot Of People, Have Colleagues; And On Good Film Sets, There's People There That Work With The Same People For Years And Years. I Love That Collaborative Spirit In That Medium. Comedy Is A Lot More Solitary.