I Think It Would Be

I Have A Time Machine At Home. It Only Goes Forward At Regular Speed

I Want To Make A Revolving Door That Says 'pull' On It, Just See How Obedient People Are.

Whenever I Investigate A Smell, I Find That The Answer Is Always Bad. It's Never: 'what Is That? *sniff* Muffins!'

I Would Like To Have Windshield Wipers That Do The Whole Windshield, Please.

To Some I Am Known As Chief. And These Are Usually People Who Work In Radio Shack Or Try To Sell Me Shoes. To Others I Am Known As Buddy. These Are People Who Dwell In Bars And Wonder If I’ve Got A Problem Or What It Is That I Am “looking At.” And To Still Others, Who Are In That Same Bar, Standing Just Off To The Side, I Am “get Him!"