When I'm On Stage, I

The World Can't Tell You Who You Are. You've Just Got To Figure Out Who You Are And Be There, For Better Or Worse.

I Don't Want Anything Bad To Happen To The United States, But If North Korea Ever Drops A Nuclear Bomb On This Country, I Swear To God, I Hope It Lands In Hartford.

My Wife Asked Me Once If I Weren't A Comedian, What I Would Do. I Couldn't Answer The Question. I Never Imagined Doing Anything Else.

I Want To Tell My Jokes. I Want To Have Time With My Children. I Want To Entertain People. And At One Point, I'll Walk Away From Show Business. But I Don't Want To Walk Away Empty-handed.

What Is Wrong With Me I Just Bought A Bag Of Weed From An Infant.