My Wife Asked Me Once

No Matter How Old You Are, If A Little Kid Hands You A Toy Phone... You Answer It.

At The Time, I Was Reading This Miles Davis Book, And He Was Talking About Coming To New York Right After He Was In High School. It Kind Of Made Me Feel Like, "yeah." I Didn't Want To Go To College; I Wanted To Do Stand-up. And I Figured, "what's The Point Of Doing Stand-up Around Dc? I'm Always Going To Be Under-appreciated There Because I Started There." I Felt Like I Was Strong Enough And Unique Enough That I Should Give It A Big Leash To Shine. New York Was The Best Thing That Ever Happened To Me As A Comedian.

I'm Happier In The Way A Guy Gets Happier When He Starts To Mature. It Doesn't Make Things Easier, But I'm So Much Better At Handling Them.

Listen, Here It Is: Technically, I Never Quit. I'm Seven Years Late For Work.

I Don't Want Anything Bad To Happen To The United States, But If North Korea Ever Drops A Nuclear Bomb On This Country, I Swear To God, I Hope It Lands In Hartford.