What's This About Rice Milk?

Everything I Ever Learned I Was Told By Someone Else.

I Wrapped My Christmas Presents Early This Year, But I Used The Wrong Paper. See, The Paper I Used Said 'happy Birthday' On It. I Didn't Want To Waste It So I Just Wrote 'jesus' On It.

I Like Fruit Baskets Because It Gives You The Ability To Mail Someone A Piece Of Fruit Without Appearing Insane. Like, If Someone Just Mailed You An Apple You'd Be Like, 'huh? What The Hell Is This?' But If It's In A Fruit Basket You're Like, 'this Is Nice!'

Multi-choice Question: My Dishwasher Is: Efficient; Hilarious.

To Remove All Credibility From What You're Saying Try Wearing Sunglasses On Your Forehead.