What's Cool About Twitter Is

Do It Under The Influence Yourself! That's What We're Shooting For! Get Drunk And Make Your Dreams Come True.

The Four Sweetest Words In The English Language — 'you Wore Me Down.'

Whats The Worst That Could Happen?! The Worst That Could Happen Is He Could Cut Off Your Legs And Use Them To Make Stilts That Look Like Legs!

With Stand-up, It's More Interesting To Hear About People's Failures Than Their Successes.

I Went To A Place Recently I Think Is One Of The Most F**ked Up Places I've Ever Been To. I'm Convinced This Place Is The Epitome Of American Excess, Of American Greed. I'm Talking About A Place Called Cold Stone Creamery. Whoa. If You Have Not Been There, The Basic Gist Of Cold Stone Is That They Take Ice Cream And Then They Just Go Ape Sh*t With It.