Do It Under The Influence

This Is One Of My Favorite Pick Up Strategies: I'm Constantly Giving Women My Keys. So Far, None Of Them Have Shown Up. Matter Of Time. And I've Been Robbed Twice.

Comedians Don't Have Hits. You Have To Have A Whole Brand-new Hour. You Have No Hits To Rely On.

Come Cook Food With Me And Do Nothing.

Everyone Just Did What Their Parents Did. So That Immediately Made Me Skeptical Of The Whole Religion Thing, Even As A Kid. So I Never Was Really Into Religion As A Concept.

Why Would Anyone Get Married And Have Babies? That's The Dumbest Idea I've Ever Heard In My Life. Or The Scariest Thing I've Ever Heard In My Life.