Well, I Call Myself An

I Have No Idea What I'm Going To Say When I Stand Up To Give A Toast. But I Do Know That Anything I Say I Find Funny.

I Do Situations And Make Fun Of Authority And Life.

I Used To Play Golf. I Wanted To Be A Better Player, But After A While I Realized I'd Always Stink. And That's When I Really Started To Enjoy The Game.

The Old Days Were The Old Days. And They Were Great Days. But Now Is Now.

I Never Could Tell A Joke. I Just Started Talking To The Audience, And When The Drunks Would Yell, "hey, When Do The Broads Come On?" I Got Good At Saying, "relax. Clear Your Skin Up First." They Called Me "the Insult Guy," But It's Never Mean-spirited. I'm Just Exaggerating Everything About Us And About Life.