Turns Out We've Been Eating

It's Amazing What I Could've Written In My Life If I Had Realized That I Should Keep Writing And Not Masturbating.

I Was Broke Until I Was 40. Really Broke. I Could Get By, But I Had Nothing. No Health Insurance, So If Something Happened I Was Screwed. I Was Lucky My Parents Had Money And My Brother Was Willing To Support Me For A Long Time. Once I Started Doing Standup, I Had An Income, And That Was Amazing To Me.

You Want To Know What It's Like To Be On A Plane For 22 Hours? Sit In A Chair, Squeeze Your Head As Hard As You Can, Don't Stop, Then Take A Paper Bag And Put It Over Your Mouth And Nose And Breath Your Own Air Over And Over And Over.

You Know. I Don't Think I'm Gonna Be Jewish For Very Long.

Should I Eat This Or Should I Eat This? Well, I'll Have To Eat Both!