Tom Cruise's Pre-nup Lets Him

I Have A Rare Form Of Body Dysmorphia In Which I Absolutely Can't Stand How Good I Look.

My Ex-girlfriend Owned A Parakeet…oh My God, That F**king Thing Would Never Shut Up. But The Bird Was Cool.

I Want To Marry The Kind Of Girl That Walks Out Of An Abortion Clinic With A Lollipop.

Wayne Brady, I Don’t Understand Why People Keep Joking That You’re Not Black. Wayne Brady, You Are Black. After All, I Only Remember You For All The Years You Played An Uppity Slave On ‘who’s Line Is It Anyway?’.

My Girlfriend Loves To Eat Chocolate. She's Always Eating Chocolate. And She Likes To Joke She's Got A Chocolate Addiction. You Know, She'd Be Like Keep Me Away From Those Chocolate Bars, I'm Addicted To Them. And It's Really Annoying. So One Day I Put Her In The Car And I Drove Her Downtown And I Pointed Out A Crack Addict. And I Said You See That Honey? Why Can't You Be That Skinny?