There's No Such Thing As

It's Better To Have Died A Small Child Than To Be A Politician Who Gets Caught In A Scandal During A Slow News Month.

The Idiot Who Invented Instant Grits Also Thought Of Frozen Fried Chicken, And They Ought To Lock Him Up Before He Tries To Freeze-dry Collards.

I Get Letters From People Who Say, 'what Have You Got Against Women?' What Could I Possibly Have Against Women? I've Married Three Of Them.

I Know Lots Of People Who Are Educated Far Beyond Their Intelligence.

There Is Something Wrong When You Wait In Line Thirty Minutes To Get A Hamburger That Was Cooked For Ninety Seconds An Hour Ago.