There Are 300,000 New Jobs

President Bush Is Not Fazed By Other Candidates' War Records. He Said, I May Have Not Fought In Vietnam, But I Created One.

Yesterday Jerry Springer Bowed Out Of The Ohio Senate Race. He Said, 'if I Can't Run The Most Embarrassing Campaign In America, Then I'm Out Of Here.'

On Sunday, The President Flies To The Azores Islands To Attend A Summit With British Prime Minister Tony Blair And Spanish Prime Minister Jose Aznar, And Here's My Prediction: Bush Gets Voted Off.

As The Democrats Get Revved Up At Their Convention In Boston, President Bush Is Fighting Back The Only Way He Knows How: By Going On Vacation! Ah, It's Nice To Take A Rest, Replenish Your Supply Of Smirks. The Vacation Was Expected, Because Bush Traditionally Takes A Month Off Every Summer To Relax And Avoid Reading National Security Warnings.

Howard Dean Is Narrowing The Field Of Potential Running Mates. It's Down To Mike Tyson Or Bobby Knight.