The Voice In My Head

Remember When You're Young And You Think Your Dad Is Superman? And Then You Grow Up And Realized He's Just A Drunk Who Wears A Cape.

When I First Saw A Strap On, I Put It On My Head And Ran Around Like A Rhino.

There's A Fine Line Between Masturbating While You Look Out A Window, And Masturbating While You're Looking In A Window. I'll Give You A Hint: One Of 'em Is Super Illegal.

When I Was A Kid, I Really Loved Indians. Native Americans. Pardon. Me.

The More Discovery Channel You Watch, The Less Chance You Have Of Ever Meeting A Woman. Because It Fills Your Head With Odd Facts That Can Come Out At Any Moment. "hello. Did You Know Hitler Was Ticklish? That Sea Otters Have Four Nipples? Wait - Don't Run Away!"