The Only Time I Ever

I Became A Stand-up Comedienne Because I Had A Sit-down Husband.

Your Husband Is Lazy If When He Leaves The House, He Finds Out Which Way The Wind Is Blowing And Goes That Direction.

Before You Get Married You Should Meet Your Fiance's Parents. It Is Not Enough That You Like His Parole Officer.

When You Play Spin The Bottle, If They Don't Want To Kiss You They Have To Give You A Quarter. Well, Hell, By The Time I Was Twelve Years Old I Owned My Own Home.

Next To Gold And Jewelry, Health Is The Most Important Thing You Can Have.