The Hollywood Tradition I Like

If Life Was Fair, Elvis Would Be Alive And All The Impersonators Would Be Dead.

It Was So Hot Today I Saw A Robin Dipping His Worm In Nestea.it Was So Hot Today I Saw A Pigeon Walking In The Shadow Of Orson Welles.it Was So Hot Today That Burger King Was Singing, "if You Want It Your Way, Cook It Yourself.

There's A Big Difference Between Being A Loner And Being Lonely. I'm Far From Lonely. My Day Is Full Of Things I Enjoy, Starting With My Show. Any Time My Work Is Going Well And I Have A Relationship With A Woman That's Pretty Solid, That Does It For Me.

Democracy Is Buying A Big House You Can't Afford With Money You Don't Have To Impress People You Wish Were Dead.

I'm Often Asked, "what Is Your Favorite Moment During The 30 Years You Hosted [the Tonight Show]?" I Really Don't Have Just One. The Times I Enjoyed The Most Were The Spontaneous, Unplanned Segments That Just Happened, Like Ed Ames' Infamous "tomahawk Toss" That Produced One Of The Longest Laughs In Television History. When These Lucky Moments Happen, You Just Go With Them And Enjoy The Experience And High Of The Moment.