I Am Taking The Applause

Happiness Is Being Served With A Paternity Suit On Your 75th Birthday.

I Don't Run With Anybody's Herd. I Don't Like Crowds. I Don't Like Going To Fancy Places. I Don't Like The Whole Nightclub Scene. Cocktail Parties Drive Me Mad. So I Do My Job And I Stay Away From The Rest Of It.

It's Silly To Have As One's Sole Object In Life Just Making Money, Accumulating Wealth. I Work Because I Enjoy What I'm Doing, And The Fact That I Make Money At It - Big Money - Is A Fine-and-dandy Side Fact. Money Gives Me Just One Big Thing That's Really Important, And That's The Freedom Of Not Having To Worry About Money. I'm Concerned About Values - Moral, Ethical, Human Values - My Own, Other People's, The Country's, The World's Values. Having Money Now Gives Me The Freedom To Worry About The Things That Really Matter.

Believe Me, You Don't Walk Away From The Kind Of Money You Make With A Daily Television Show. You Might Get Awful Tired Of It Sometimes, But Take A Second Look At The Check And You Get Less Tired Right Away.

When A Comic Becomes Enamored With His Own Views And Foists Them Off On The Public In A Polemic Way, He Loses Not Only His Sense Of Humor But His Value As A Humorist.