The Federal Government Spends Millions

I Came Down To Orange Because I Sold The Smothers Brothers A Song Called 'chocolate,' And That Gave Me Enough Money To Move Down Here. I Was Washing Windows Down In Orange County When They Called Me Up And Said They Wanted Me To Do Their Tv Show.

Assuming Either The Left Wing Or The Right Wing Gained Control Of The Country, It Would Probably Fly Around In Circles.

I Think We Should Just Tip The Government If It Does A Good Job. Fifteen Percent Is The Standard Tip, Isn't It?

I Admit I Do Have Some Drawbacks And Limitations As A Candidate. Although I Am A Professional Comedian, Some Of My Critics Maintain That This Is Not Enough. I Cannot Deny That I Stand Before You Untested And Inexperienced - I Only Spent Two Years In Television, Never As A Romantic Lead Or A Song And Dance Man.

You Have To Understand, I Can't Do Any Jokes About Ross Perot, Because The Last Thing I Need Right Now Is Another Credit Check.