That's Why You And I

I Finally Had My Prostate Checked. And I Was Super-thankful That I Taught My Asshole To Whistle Before The Doctor Stuck His Finger In There. The Look On His Face Was Priceless.

There's Nothing My Brothers And I Didn't Put A Hole In. We Turned Our Home Into A Wiffle House.

I Don't Personally Believe That Villains Exist. Villains Are Just A Way Of Saying That Somebody Has An Opposing Conviction.

Everyone Thinks Their Baby Is A Genius. People Find It Delightfully Refreshing When I Tell Them, My Baby? Totally Average. Like, 100 Percent Average.

When Your Dad's A Cop, Calling 911 Is Really Just Like Calling Dad At Work.