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If There Is A God, Why Did He Make Me An Atheist?

I'd Like To Thank God For Making Me An Atheist.

I Never Understood Redemption When I Was Young. Even Before I Was An Atheist, I Always Thought With The Prodigal Son, "well, Why's He Getting The Special Treatment?"

My Ideal Meal Would Probably Be The Cheesiest Pasta Or Pizza, Followed By Something Creamy And Chocolaty. I Mean, Just The Worst Things, Really.

The Service In L.a. Is The Best. You Don't Get Sarcastic, Surly, Fed-up Waiters And Waitresses Like You Do In England. They're Good At Their Job And They're There For The Customer. The Only Depressing Thing Is A Lot Of Them Have Written More Screenplays Than Me.