Seriously, When's The Last Time

I Was Originally Casted To Be In The Superman Movie But I Read The Script And Realized That It Was Mysteriously Similar To My Screenplay For Zach Braff The Movie.

I Was Stuck In Traffic One Day And Just Kinda Thought It Would Be Funny To Masturbate. It Was Sunny And Clear Out, So I Was Worried One Of The Other Drivers Would See Me, But My Jeep Is Pretty High Off The Ground, So I Think No One Noticed. I Busted A Nut And Aimed It Down, Ruining My Tweety Bird Floor Mat. I Felt Kinda Stupid After And My Mom Kept Silent The Rest Of The Drive Home. It Was Awkward And I Regret It.

Yeah, The Gay Pride Movement Is Precious And All, But I Think It's About Time We Asked Ourselves What Gay People Really Have To Offer To Society.

Whenever I'm Feeling A Bit Down, I Always Visit The Local Children's Hospital. Knowing That Those Cancer-kids Wont Be Able To Live Long Enough To Surpass Me In Fame Just Warms My Heart, You Know?

My Tears Cure Cancer Too, It's Just That I Laugh At Cancer Patients.