Self-pity Shortens Your Life.

A Man Can Sleep Around, No Questions Asked, But If A Woman Makes Nineteen Or Twenty Mistakes She's A Tramp.

You Have To Do More Than Just Kill Time Or Time Will Quickly Kill You.

My Love Life Is Like A Piece Of Swiss Cheese; Most Of It's Missing, And What's There Stinks.

When You First Get Married, They Open The Car Door For You. Eighteen Years Now...once He Opened The Car Door For Me In The Last Four Years - We Were On The Freeway At The Time.

You Know It's Time To Start Using Mouthwash When Your Dentist Leaves The Room And Sends In A Canary.