She's So Fat, She's My

People Say That Money Is Not The Key To Happiness, But I Always Figured If You Have Enough Money, You Can Have A Key Made.

With Age Comes Wisdom. You Don't Need Big Boobs To Be Feminine. Look At Liberace.

I'll Lie Still For A Lot Of Things - But Sex Isn't One Of Them.

I've Learned: When You Get Older, Who Cares? I Don't Mince Words, I Don't Hold Back. What Are You Gonna Do To Me? Fire Me? It's Been Done. Threaten To Commit Suicide? Done. Take Away My Show? Done! Not Invite To Me To The Vanity Fair Party? I've Never Been Invited! If I Ever Saw The Invitation, I'd Use It As Toilet Paper.

I Have So Little Sex Appeal That My Gynecologist Calls Me "sir."