Parenting Is A Negative Thing.

I Have Paid As Much As $300 A Night To Throw Up Into A Sink Shaped Like A Seashell.

No Baby Shall At Any Time Be Quartered In A House Where There Are No Soft Laps, No Laughter, Or No Love.

The More I Think About It, The More There Is To Be Said For The Sloth. He Sleeps Fifteen To Eighteen Hours A Day And Is Known To Have Taken Forty-eight Days To Travel Four Miles. He Hangs In The Trees After He's Dead. But He Lives Longer Than The Cheetah.

Cleanliness Is Not Next To Godliness. It Isn't Even In The Same Neighborhood.

The Only Reason I Would Take Up Jogging Is So That I Could Hear Heavy Breathing Again.