Our Date-nightrule Is No Talking

By Shrewdly Linking Procreation To An Act Likely To Make You Stupid With Excitement, God Has Seen To It That Life Does Indeed Go On. It's Possible, By The Way, That This Is Why God's Name Comes Up So Often In The Middle Of The Act; It's A Salute To The Author: Hey, Whoever Made This Up - Thanks.

The Most Challenging Part Of Being A Dad Is Trying To Postpone The Moment When They Realize You Don't Know Anything. I Love Any Sentence That Begins With Daddy...? Because It's Implied They're Looking Up To You - That You'll Have The Answer. The Truth Is, I Don't Have Any Answers.

You Know, The Fact That Every Morning You Get A Script In Your Mailbox, That's Going To Stop. All These Little Pedestrian, Mundane Things. And The Cash.

I'm Not Smart Enough To Write About Something That Didn't Actually Happen To Me. But I Couldn't Write A Space Movie If You Put A Gun To My Head.

People Often Ask Me, "what's The Difference Between Couplehood And Babyhood?" In A Word? Moisture. Everything In My Life Is Now More Moist. Between Your Spittle, Your Diapers, Your Spit-up And Drool, You Got Your Baby Food, Your Wipes, Your Formula, Your Leaky Bottles, Sweaty Baby Backs, And Numerous Other Untraceable Sources-all Creating An Ever-present Moistness In My Life, Which Heretofore Was Mainly Dry.