Only Men Who Have Worn

I Work For Myself, Which Is Fun. Except When I Call In Sick, I Know I'm Lying.

The Logic Was, There Weren't Too Many Female Comedians, So I Thought I Might As Well Try A Field That Had Fewer Competitors Than The Field I Was In, Which Was Acting, Singing And Dancing.

If I Say A Joke And The Audience Laughs It Makes Me Feel Good.

When I Want To End A Relationship I Just Say, 'you Know, I Love You. I Want To Marry You. I Want To Have Your Children.' Sometimes They Leave Skid Marks.

When A Woman Tries On Clothing From Her Closet That Feels Tight, She Will Assume She Has Gained Weight. When A Man Tries Something From His Closet That Feels Tight, He Will Assume The Clothing Has Shrunk.