Once I Pulled A Job,

My Childhood Was Bad. No Father. Mother Was Greedy And Brought Me Up Awful - Never Made Me Breakfast Once. I Don't Want To Get Started. One Story Is Worse Than Another.

I Asked My Old Man If I Could Go Ice-skating On The Lake. He Told Me, "wait Til It Gets Warmer."

I Tell Ya, I Knew My Morning Wasn't Going Right. When I Put On My Shirt The Button Fell Off, When I Picked Up My Briefcase, The Handle Fell Off, I Tell Ya, I Was Afraid To Go To The Bathroom.

Comedy Is A Camouflage For Depression.

My Wife Wants Sex In The Back Of The Car And She Wants Me To Drive.