Oh, I Was An Ugly

My Wife's Jealousy Is Getting Ridiculous. The Other Day She Looked At My Calendar And Wanted To Know Who May Was.

You Don't Know Who To Believe. Like Abraham Lincoln. He Said All Men Were Created Equal. He Never Went To A Nude Beach.

When I Was A Kid I Got No Respect. The Time I Was Kidnapped, And The Kidnappers Sent My Parents A Note They Said, "we Want Five Thousand Dollars Or You'll See Your Kid Again."

I Told My Dentist My Teeth Are Going Yellow. He Told Me To Wear A Brown Tie.

I Was Making Love To This Girl And She Started Crying. I Said, "are You Going To Hate Yourself In The Morning?" She Said, "no, I Hate Myself Now."