My Wife Staci Made Me

Whenever I See People With Their Collars Up, I'm Tempted To Point It Out To Them Like You Would For Someone Who Has A Food Stain On Their Shirt Or Food In Their Teeth, As If To Say, 'your Fashion Sense Is So Offensive I'm Assuming It's Some Sort Of Accident You'll Want To Fix.

Repeats Are The Absolute Soul-crushing Killers Of The Comics Page.

I'm Very Harsh On Real Estate Agents. I'm Not Sure Why. Maybe It's Because Of How The Call Every Small House 'charming' And Every Run-down House A 'great Fixer-upper'. Just Once, I'd Like Them To Show Me A House And Declare, 'this One's A Piece Of Crap'.

If You Put Me In South Park, That Audience Is Going To Fall Asleep In Five Minutes.

I Was A Lawyer For 10 Years, And When Youre In Law, Things Really Have To Get Done, Or Somebody Sues You. Its A Great Trick.