Most Poetry Just Confounds Me.

Whenever I See People With Their Collars Up, I'm Tempted To Point It Out To Them Like You Would For Someone Who Has A Food Stain On Their Shirt Or Food In Their Teeth, As If To Say, 'your Fashion Sense Is So Offensive I'm Assuming It's Some Sort Of Accident You'll Want To Fix.

If A Restaurant Offers Crayons, I Always Take Them And Color Throughout The Meal. It Beats Talking To The People I Came To Dinner With.

If You Put Me In South Park, That Audience Is Going To Fall Asleep In Five Minutes.

We Need More Cartoonists To Truly Retire When They Retire, And Not Run Repeats.

When I Say 'friends,' I Use That Term Loosely, As I Don't Actually Have Any.