My Wife Said To Me,

I Found Out That If You Made People Laugh, They Like You. Most People Got To Like Me Because I Made Them Laugh. When They Didn't, I Hit Them.

There Have Always Been Mixed Emotions About Howard Cosell: Some People Hate Him Like Poison; And Other People Just Hate Him Regular.

What Makes A Comedian Has Nothing To Do With Religion. Think Of Red Skelton, Jimmy Durante, Jackie Gleason, Who Were All Catholics.

When I Do An Hour-and-a-half Show, If I Don't Improvise 20 Minutes Worth Of New Material Each Night, I Feel I've Let Myself Down.

Don't Carry A Grudge. While You're Carrying The Grudge, The Other Guys's Out There Dancing.