My Son's An Idiot. His

What A Childhood I Had - I Was Ten Years Old When I Found Out Alpo Was Dog Food.

Last Week I Told My Wife, If You Would Learn To Cook, I Could Fire The Chef. She Said, If You Could Learn To Make Love, I Could Fire The Chauffer.

When I Played In The Sandbox, The Cat Kept Covering Me Up.

I Drink Too Much. The Last Time I Gave A Urine Sample It Had An Olive In It.

My Wife Has To Be The Worst Cook. I've Got The Only Dog Who Begs For Alka-seltzer.