My Son's An Idiot. His

You Know You're Old When Your Family Talk About You In Front Of You. What Are We Going To Do With Pop? We Have Company Tonight.

She Was So Fat That Her Belly Button Makes An Echo.

I Don't Get No Respect. I Called Suicide Prevention. They Tried To Talk Me Into It.

You Can Name Your Own Salary In This Business. I Call Mine Fred.

A Homeless Guy Came Up To Me On The Street, Said He Hadn't Eaten In Four Days. I Told Him, "man, I Wish I Had Your Willpower.