My Hometown Was So Dull

I'm A Little Hoarse Tonight. I've Been Living In Chicago For The Past Two Months, And You Know How It Is, Yelling For Help On The Way Home Every Night. Things Are So Tough In Chicago That At Easter Time, For Bunnies The Little Kids Use Porcupines.

Washington Is No Place For A Good Actor. The Competition From Bad Actors Is Too Great.

Cocktail Party: A Gathering Held To Enable Forty People To Talk About Themselves At The Same Time. The Man Who Remains After The Liquor Is Gone Is The Host.

I'd Rather Have Two Girls At Seventeen Than One At Thirty-four.

A Celebrity Is A Person Who Works Hard All Of Their Life To Become Well Known, And Then Wears Dark Glasses To Avoid Being Recognized.