My First Memory In Life

I Wish I Could Be As Thin As Jessica Simpson. I Think She Looks Gorgeous! I Have Had Jessica On My Show Several Times, And I Can Tell You That Girl Is Genuine And Funny With A Great Self-deprecating Sense Of Humor.

I Don't Have To Write Jokes. I Don't Have To Write Insults. If You Ask The Man Of The Hour In The Hot Seat, My Mere Existence Is Clearly Insult Enough.

I Live In, Literally, The Same Home When I Was Swiping My First Bank Card And Wondering If I'd Have To Put Back The Charmin. We Still Don't Have A Dishwasher. My Mom Has Done All These Gardens So Now My House Looks Like The Garden Shack In The Middle Of Versailles.

I Measure In My Palm And Use My Eyes To Estimate Amounts; A Tablespoon Is A Full Palm Of Dried Spices.

I Don't Categorize Food As Bad Or A Guilty Pleasure.