Money Can't Buy You Happiness.

My Doctor Told Me That Jogging Could Add Years To My Life. I Think He Was Right. I Feel Ten Years Older Already.

Our Tree Was So Puny We Used Orthopedic Bulbs.

War Toys Are Scary. They Have A Rocket Launcher With A Bayonet Attached, In Case You Miss.

I Feel Like Zsa Zsa Gabor's Sixth Husband. I Know What I'm Supposed To Do, But I Don't Know How To Make It Interesting.

Anytime A Person Goes Into A Delicatessen And Orders A Pastrami On White Bread, Somewhere A Jew Dies.